Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
