I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
