he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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