you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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