my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This is my gift to your gina
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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