This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
