I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
