bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's the barista slut.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
