Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
