as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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