how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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