I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
