Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
