You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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