well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
