careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
