K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
