I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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