quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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