I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
