Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
