he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
