I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
