a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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