Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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