I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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