I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
