I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
