I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we're making bets on your personal life
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
