I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
