just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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