I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
