u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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