I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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