did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
