Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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