when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
