i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
