maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
