I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
