I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
