I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
