I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
