Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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