I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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