Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
