Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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