2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
