It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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