I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
