i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
