she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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